Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
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The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
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i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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