if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I'm both gender and math confused
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize