Ketchup is God's man juice
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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