stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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