How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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