Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
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It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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