dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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