You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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