ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize