Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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