I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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