The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Hippo gnu deer
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Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
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I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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