I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
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