I like my sex mixed with concussions.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Sext me about skeletons
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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