so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize