Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
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when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
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Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
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