Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
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I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
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Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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