How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
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i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
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he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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