The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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