Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
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Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
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Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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