i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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