I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize