I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
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eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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