Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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