Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize