3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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