Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize