and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
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He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
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So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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