Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize