I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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