Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I need water and some morals
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize