my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
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Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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