Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
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The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
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I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
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