Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize