Texts From Last Night

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  (914): View more from New York

  After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!

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  (914): After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT! http://tfl.nu/umoe
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  (512): View more from Texas

  You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?

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  (512): You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that? http://tfl.nu/amhf
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  (516): View more from New York

  I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory

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  (516): I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory http://tfl.nu/t9t2
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.

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  (780): The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day. http://tfl.nu/xftd
  Replies (20) Good night (5173) Bad night (1120) Order T-Shirt
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.

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  (513): Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one. http://tfl.nu/i2d2
  Replies (14) Good night (4302) Bad night (1118) Order T-Shirt
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.

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  (414): My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday. http://tfl.nu/h79n
  Replies (10) Good night (4129) Bad night (922) Order T-Shirt
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  (620): View more from Kansas

  I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.

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  (620): I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful. http://tfl.nu/8ema
  Replies (9) Good night (5185) Bad night (719) Order T-Shirt
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park

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  (902): I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park http://tfl.nu/d8es
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  (850): View more from Florida

  I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea

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  (850): I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea http://tfl.nu/d42k
  Replies (18) Good night (5603) Bad night (841)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.

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  (781): I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body. http://tfl.nu/exdj
  Replies (5) Good night (1965) Bad night (870) Order T-Shirt
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work

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  (217): she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work http://tfl.nu/qwhd
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.

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  (508): I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine. http://tfl.nu/hmlf
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.

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  (814): you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door. http://tfl.nu/6ofj
  Replies (19) Good night (6154) Bad night (780)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.

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  (570): If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene. http://tfl.nu/rk7g
  Replies (2) Good night (426) Bad night (1156) Order T-Shirt
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  (916): View more from California

  Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up

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  (916): Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up http://tfl.nu/2pg5
  Replies (3) Good night (398) Bad night (173) Order T-Shirt

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