Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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