WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize