She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
you told grandpa to call you daddy
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Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
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Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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