captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize