Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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