over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
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Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
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I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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