If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
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Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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