I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
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Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
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i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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