I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
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Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
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And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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