Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
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how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
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DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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