Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize