Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
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Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
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Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
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