yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
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You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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