i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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