I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
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I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
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He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
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